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AreYouFrackingM
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A Modest Proposal

Let's assume that a 61 year old guy, we'll call him Andy, is staying at his son's place temporarily, as an alternative to homelessness due to the on-going depression. Let's further assume that Andy needs to be able to print files on his son's Windows XP based 6 year old Tower, call it The Obsolete Piece of Crap, but repeated attempts to get The Obsolete Piece of Crap to see and connect to The Awesome HP Printer about 14 ft away (in the Z axis, down in the basement) fail. So next, lets assume that Andy's daughter-in-law, Dawn--much younger and more tolerant of new technology than Andy--invests 4 person-hours to get The Awesome HP Printer set up so Andy can just send a fracking e-mail to it with attachments that the Awesome HP Printer apparently has the intelligence to print. Finally, lets assume that after almost 24 hours of blissful ePrinting, tragedy stricks--the printer runs out of paper, causing several ePrint requests to be stuck in The Awesome HP Printer's Print Queue. An unfortunate by-product of this is that Andy will never be able to print a file again until he can find and clear The Awesome HP Printer's Print Queue. Andy assumes Dawn would know the secret non-obvious or intuitive 5-step process to access and clear the print queue, but it is 4:00am and Dawn is asleep. Andy figures that surely, if he physically walks down to the basement to The Awesome HP Printer, said printer would have already figured out that it's Print Queue was stalled and so would be displaying on its iTouchScreen a bright flashing button labeled "Press this to clear my stalled print queue". Andy was sadly mistaken, and after 10 minutes trying to find the print queue via the not particularly helpful symbol driven iTouchScreen, Andy moves on. Andy is old, but with Windows XP he would know what to do: He would go to Control Panel, select Printers and Faxes, select the printer in question, and cancel the pending print job(s) thus restoring thru printer to an operational status.

 

So here is my modest proposal to the awesome folks at HP:

 

(1) If I need to know The Obsolete Piece of Crap's operating system and IP address, The Awesome HP Printer 's IP address, my human being name, and a valid e-mail address, to perform the 8 or 10 or maybe 15 steps to set up the ePrint deal, and whomever wrote your software had to know how to actually set it up, why not have those same people have your awesome software just perform the fracking 15 steps automatically. If your programmers could write the 5 page instructions telling me how to set this up, they can surely automate the actual creation process. Just ask me for the unique info your software needs, then have a button that says: "We're not idiots. Press this button and we'll activate you ePrint connectivity infrastructure for you."

 

(2) Once either I have manually and laboriously set up the ePrint infrastructure, or, hopefully some day soon, after you implement Modest Proposal 1 and I have pressed the button that seamlessly and transparently creates said infrastructure, I now need to actually print files which are on The Obsolete Piece of Crap to The Awesome HP Printer. Also, if some impossible to predict in advance disaster should strike, say The Awesome HP Printer runs out of paper, I will need to be able to find and clear the it's print queue. So, since your people wrote the very convoluted and not at all trivial Help instructions to tell me the many steps needed to perform the equivalent of pressing the Print command and the Show Print Queue command in Windows XP, how about having those same people automate the actual creation process to build two widgets that I can download to my desktop, namely ePrint Print and Show ePrint Queue. Just use the unique info your software already has from Step 1 above, then have a button that says: "We're fracking smart and helpful. Press this button and we'll create two widgets you can download to your desktop,so using your  ePrint connectivity infrastructure will be at least as seamless and easy and intuitive to use as it is for you know in Windows XP."

 

I'm not sure why the Indian nationals you're paying half what you once paid me haven't already proposed these modest proposals--it's probably a cultural thing. (Actually I have pretty good idea way, but I digress.) At any rate, I have given you a new vision for how you might greatly improve ePrint. Actually, my modest proposal is not that original. Steve Jobs understood the importance of elegance and ease of use in designing technology. That's why my son and his wife were able to set up their HP printer--which by the way is pretty awesome--by simply plugging it in and turning it and their Apple computers on.

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A Modest Proposal

Hello "Andy", 

 

I'm very impressed with your post and appreciate your frustration.  Let me give you the easy answer and then if that doesn't work we can try some other things.  Go to ePrintCenter where you have registered your printer. Once there, you can check the status of print jobs.  You can manage and see the status of your ePrint jobs using the ePrint Job History by selecting your printer's tab.

 

I hope this helps.  Let me know if it doesn't and we'll try something else.

I am an HP employee
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AreYouFrackingM
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A Modest Proposal

Thanks HP employee!  Those simple steps, less than a dozen it looks like, are really user friendly and intuitive. (Wait, no they aren't.)  Any clue why the printer keeps failing to print my stuff but consistently works without incident from my daughter-in-laws Apple machine? It would be really cool if I didn't have to ask my daughter-in-law (Dawn) to perform the very simple less than a dozen steps five or ten times a day.

 

FYI, it took Dawn and me about a man-week of joint effort before we gave up trying to be able to actually print a file directly from my Windows XP computer. It only took Dawn a few hours of effort so that now I can sometimes print a file or two via ePrint before I have to have Dawn clear the HP print queue and/or reinitialize the printer. I don't suppose there is any chance of putting a team at HP on my modest proposal?

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Hi Andy,

When you say that the steps didn't work, do you mean that you couldn't clear the queue at ePrintCenter, or do you mean that clearing the queue did not solve your printing problem?  There could be a few reasons why Dawn can print directly to her printer and you are not able to email a document to her printer via ePrint.

 

First, which ePrint printer does Dawn have? Does Dawn use ePrint to print to her printer? Next, I assume you are still able to connect to the internet and send/receive emails on the older XP machine, if that is not the case, let me know.

 

If you are indeed able to send/receive emails on the older XP machine, verify that you are still using the correct email address of the ePrint printer.  If you or Dawn  have re-activated Web Services, you most likely have a new printer email address, check the front panel of the eprint printer and verify the email address. Also make certain that the email address is the only address in the "To:" and "CC:" fields of your emails.  What types of files are you attaching to the email? ePrint allows you to send and print images, Microsoft Word documents, some Excel files and PowerPoint documents, PDFs, and photos.  Send an email test to the printer with no attachments and some text in the body of the email to see if that works.

 

You might also check with Dawn to make certain that you still have permission to print to her ePrint printer.  This can be managed at ePrintCenter.  Use this link to find out more:

http://h71036.www7.hp.com/hho/us/en/ep/articles/manage-eprint-account.html

 

One way to determine all of the information you need for your home network is to run the Home Network Diagnostic Utility on the older XP machine.  The utility is available at:

http://h10025.www1.hp.com/ewfrf/wc/softwareDownloadIndex?softwareitem=mp-96434-1&cc=us&dlc=en&lc=en&...=

 

I am an HP employee
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AreYouFrackingM
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A Modest Proposal

Hi HP Employee:

 

When I created a user name called AreYouFrackingKiddingMe with a password JustShootMeNow and posted my A Modest Proposal on HP's Help Board, I was intimating, in a somewhat whimsical and hopefully entertaining way, that I found the ordeal of attempting to get The Awesome HP Printer to consistently work from my Obsolete Piece of Crap computer.

 

The fact that not one but two HP employees read my humor, frustration, and, dare I say it, rage, humorously presented, and still offered straight answers to my cleaver rant, is a testiment to you guys at HP. 

 

The bottom line is that with much help from my daughter-in-law I can print via ePrint and, it the queue stalls, I just find her and have her fix it. It's like having live-in tech support.

 

If there is a way to turn this thread off, replay with detailed instructions since I do not a a flashing Red Button that says "I'm ready to turn this thread off".

 

Have a great day HP Employee and thanks again for getting back to me on my "problem".

 

Sincerly,

 

AreYouFrackingKiddingMe

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AreYouFrackingM
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A Modest Proposal

HP Employee:

 

I knew I had seen an "I'm done playing" bottom yesterday, but forgot that you have to post your comment, then get back up one level, and then the magic "Make it stop" button appears. Awesome design job on the web site!

 

With much appreciation:

 

AreYouFrackingKiddingMe

 

 

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