HP Envy 15 ah150sa, does not run any Linux distro.

[TheBeardedQuack]

I've tried so many different version and I can't get anything to work.

Have of the distributions can't I even get into the installer, the other half install perfectly fine and then do not boot.
I get past grub and get stuck on a black screen, where I can't even access the terminal to attempt fixing it.

I bought this laptop for development and it won't even load a decent OS, and the supplying shop won't take it back as apparently not being able to boot an OS isn't a fault, if it's not the OS it came with. They also won't take it back under the reason of me simply changing my mind despite my offer to buy a better laptop from there store.

[Huffer]

Not too many stores would take a different view. Nobody cares about whether Linux will run on your laptop, and HP certainly makes no express or implied warranty about that. It will run the OS delivered on it is all they have legally promised you. Been running Linux on laptops for nearly 20 years so used to the discrimination against the minority. 

I am a little surprised that Linux will not run on an AMD platform, its usually the newest Intels that give the problems. 

Take a look here:

https://ubuntuforums.org/showthread.php?t=2336046

Did you try installing in Legacy Mode rather than UEFI/Secure boot?

Did you try a nomodeset switch on the installer? 

If all else fails you can run Linux in a virtual machine within Windows. 

[TheBeardedQuack]

Firstly my BIOS sucks to the point where I can't explicitly choose to do a UEFI/BIOS boot, it appears to be defaulting to UEFI.

Ubuntu 16.04.3 LTS 64bit.
Installs fine, boot stuck on black screen, nomodeset boot stuck on black screen.

Mint 18.??.?? Cinnamon 64bit.
Installs fine, boot stuck on wall of text, nomodeset boot stuck on black screen.