At the "Official HP Laptop Drivers and Software Download" page (https://support.hp.com/us-en/drivers/laptops) my serial number and product code, as listed in my "HP Support Assistant", are rejected by the search function as matching no results. When I invite the software to detect my product automatically, open the detector, and hit OK, it processes forever without progress.
I am also unable to download updates directly from the "HP Support Assistant". The steps "Downloading messages and updates definition" and "Analyzing your system" both fail when I attempt to do so.
I would like to address a human being on this matter but the support site is designed to make this practically impossible.